So this morning I made a decision about something major in my life. Believe me, it has not been an easy one to make. Looking at it, yes it is a dream, but it is not my dream. Well, not anymore. At first my heart was in it and it was everything I ever wanted but now that has completely changed. And I have been struggling to make a decision about it. I am so indecisive anyway and constantly think about the consequences for all the options I could take, changing my mind from yes to no and back again.
Last Wednesday evening at our church prayer meeting things fell into place. To be honest, I was not going to go. I had been out most of the day and was tired. But I went. Every week we do something different and this week we had to write encouraging words from God for the other people who were there. So we all wrote our names on the top of a piece of paper, folded it over and placed it in the middle of the circle. The idea was that we take one, pray and then write whatever we felt God was saying. As the names were hidden, we had no idea who we were praying for and encouraging. For the last turn we had to write just one word from God. This is where mine got interesting. I was given my piece of paper back and the one word that stood out for me was HOME. I was taken aback. And embarrassingly, I started to get emotional. For weeks I had prayed about this, for weeks I had cried about it and pleaded with God to answer me. And I got my answer, right in front of my eyes written in blue capital letters. HOME. I have had a few days to think about it and I really feel as though this word was from God. This was God speaking to me in a way he knew I could understand and realise it was him.
I really feel as though God has something bigger and better planned for me. Far greater than the plans I wanted, or thought I wanted. Now I could be wrong, I often am, but this is something I cannot ignore. I do not want to ignore it.
Throughout the past year I have questioned myself and the decision I made nearly a year and a half ago. The biggest question has to be; why did I go searching for happiness when I had everything I needed and wanted exactly where I was?
For the first time I am certain of what I want and I am praying the answer is no.