Love must be in the air this year as loads of people I know have gotten engaged. It has also got me thinking about my future.
When I was a little girl I dreamed of my wedding. I went through a phase where I planned it out; the dress, the bridesmaids, the guests, the venue, the honeymoon. I was into all the Disney films and I dreamed of my very own Prince Charming.
But now that I am older I have to face reality. I may never get my perfect wedding. I may never get to spend my honeymoon on a beach in the Bahamas. I may never get to wear a beautiful dress. I may never get to invite all the people I wanted.
The older I get the more afraid I am becoming of the thought that I may have to spend my life alone. In ten years I may be coming home from work to an empty house. I may be going to the weddings of my friends, alone. I may be going to the first birthday party of a friend’s child, alone. Those things terrify me. When I was younger, thinking about my future, I never thought of spending my life alone. I think some people decide they do not want to get married and they are happy to be by themselves. But I am definitely not one of those people.
I am shy and so I often find myself thinking that I will never find someone. I also lack self-confidence; sometimes I struggle with feeling worthless and ugly. I am probably not the only female who thinks these things.
You see, there is this guy. He is funny and makes me smile without even realising it. He is outgoing and has masses of confidence. As far as I know he is single. But best of all He is a Christian. I have known him for over two and a half years. I get butterflies when I see him and I instantly smile when he walks into the room. But he does not seem to notice me. There is a voice inside telling me to stop dreaming and move on. There is a part of me that thinks I am not good enough for him.
I just want to know if there is someone out there for me. Someone who will love me for who I am and who will create memories with me. Someone for me to share my life with.
I feel like I am getting older and time is passing me by. Before I know it, it will be too late to do all the things I have dreamed of doing ever since I was a little girl.