Eleven: A deceased person you wish you could talk to

Dear my beautiful Nanna,

When I started this letters challenge, I glanced over the list and a few names came to mind for various letters. For this letter, I had to choose you. Mainly because I have so many things that I never got the chance to tell you, things that I was never allowed to explain.

I want you to know that even though I never saw you often, I still thought about you every day and I still do. I will always remember the fond memories that were created when I was a little girl; the times you visited us at Christmas and going to your house on Boxing Day. The cabbage patch dolls you brought for me every year and cuddling up with you when I was just a toddler.

I know that we should not have regrets when we lose someone we love but I do. I regret not visiting you, even though there was a reason I could not come. You never knew that, and in a way I am glad that was the case. I would never have wanted to see you hurt. But there is a part of me that wishes you did, because then you would understand. You would understand why I suddenly stopped visiting you. It was not because of you and that is one of the things I wish I could stress to you.

When we lost you I was heartbroken. I knew it was going to happen because you were ill but I never expected it would be so sudden. It was so difficult saying goodbye to you, especially as I felt that I did not know you as well as I should have done. I wish I could have known you better than I did. I wish I could have come to see you once a week, not once a year. The last time I saw you was in August 2009 and I am thankful for that last chance to see you. I sat with you but you did not know who I was. I gave you a little teddy, and later learned that it was something you never let go off.

If I could talk to you now I would tell you how much you meant to me and to the rest of the family. I would thank you for being so strong, even when life was hard. Thank you for showing me that life is too short and that we can lose everything in a moment!

I know that you are looking down on me, and I can only hope that you are proud of me and that you do not hate me. I pray that you have forgiven me for not seeing you. I miss you very much but one day I will see you again. I will see you like you were back then, not who you were when God took you home.

Love your princess x

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