Twelve: The person you hate/caused you a lot of pain

Dear JT,

We both know that it is a no brainer why this letter is written to you. This is one of the hardest things I will probably ever do in my life. But there is nobody else that I could write this letter to, simply because nobody else has ever hurt me as much as you have. I have been hurt since and I will be hurt in the future but I truly believe that I will never be hurt in the same way that you hurt me.

You probably feel that you have lost everything….your family?  Your friends? Your freedom? The actions you took have completely stolen everything that ever meant anything to you. You can no longer walk down the street without thinking people know what you have done, can you? But I want to tell you, compared to my suffering and the pain you caused my family, that is nothing. You did a very good job at ripping my family apart. We were left to pick up the pieces of the mess you created. The last twelve years have been impossible at times. There have been days where I have completely broken down, days where all I have wanted to do is hide myself away. There have been times where I have been so angry and I have not been able to explain why.

For a very long time I hated you and I even hated myself. I used to look in the mirror and see the person I was, the person you selfishly crushed. I see the person you tainted with your evilness. I blamed myself for what you did and it has taken me nearly twelve years to realise that it was not my fault. It has taken me twelve years to accept myself, and to love myself. It has taken me years to realise that not everyone is like you. You broke my trust in the biggest possible way and I have only recently been able to start trusting again. You took so much away from me; more than I had. And you left me confused, angry and scared. You made me vulnerable and helpless.

There are a few things that I want to say to you, things that I need to say. My past belonged to you, but my future is mine. Every single second, every single moment that comes my way is mine. You have controlled me, but I refuse to allow you to cause more damage, not only to me but to my family. This is my life to live, not yours. Your actions did break me but slowly my life is being put back together. I no longer hate you for what you did as I have learned some very important, valuable lessons which I can hopefully use for good in the future. I have learned that everything happens for a reason, and one day I will understand the reason behind why you did what you did. I never in a million years thought that I was going to be able to forgive you for all those things you did, for all those feelings you presented me with. But I found Jesus, and through His strength, His love and His grace I forgive you.  Jesus has shown me the true definition of love. He has given me hope and He has helped me move forward from what you did.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s