Love me when I least deserve it…

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How many times do you mess up so much that you feel you are unloved? I do it on a regular basis. I am a people pleaser and I feel terrible when I hurt someone. Even when I have apologised I doubt whether they have forgiven and forgotten. My mind works overtime; have they really gotten over it? Do they see me differently now? Do they still like me? Do they still love me? I don’t know why I overthink everything but it really knocks me down. I knock myself down. One of my major flaws is making something bigger than it actually is.

The quote above is one of my favourites. Back in the days of MSN Messenger it was my screen name more often than not. I feel these words are so perfect for my life. Everyone wants to love and be loved. I am no different! When I have done something wrong or I have messed up big time all I want is to know I am loved. I want that sense of belonging. I want to know that despite what I have done I will still be loved. My mum is great at reminding me I am loved especially when I have messed up. Over the last month I have disappointed and hurt my parents. They got mad and upset. I let them down majorly. But my mum, when ending a phone call with me,  always says she loves me. Even when I have broken her heart a million times, she still says she loves me. And coming from someone who has brought me up and watched me make mistake after mistake, those three little words mean a lot!

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