I wrote this about two months ago. I had just been through something that completely knocked me off track and I had so many questions going through my head. I felt as though I was crowded by people but I just needed to be on my own to process everything that was going on in my head.
How do I stop my mind from thinking? What will make this pain go away? Who can help me when I cannot even help myself? Why has this happened to me? Will things ever get better? Why does it hurt so much? What did I do wrong? Will I ever feel safe again? How do I move on from this?
Sometimes you have to be alone to be able to think. Sometimes you need to walk away from everything to discover what you really want. Sometimes you need to distance yourself from others so they cannot influence you, change you or stop you. Sometimes you need to imagine life without those people you depend on in order to remind yourself that you are a strong person. You have to do what is right for you despite what that may do to others. You have to put yourself first in order to fight your demons.
Sometimes you have to remain silent because you are scared of letting the pain escape. You are worried what people will think of you. Yet all you want to do is let it all out, cry the pain away, scream as loud as you can. You want to hurt that person who hurt you. You want them to feel what you are feeling, and want them to understand what you are going through.