The Anger Journey

Recently as part of my word challenge for this year I wrote a post about anger and how I felt towards God over the loss of my brother. Since then it has played on my mind an awful lot. I have managed to speak to other people about the anger I am feeling. I wanted to share with you a little of the journey I have been on.

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As a Christian I believe that God is always good and I believe that He is for us and not against us. As you can probably imagine when we lost my brother my faith was shaken and everything I had believed in for the last twelve years felt as though it was not worth it. My whole world came crashing down. I felt lost and confused and frustrated. I did not feel angry at the time. I was so caught up feeling confused and alone that I could not feel angry. Anger did not even enter my mind. However recently, as I am adjusting to life without my brother, anger has entered my life. It was as though I woke up one morning and the anger had moved itself in overnight. It was not just an annoyance that he was gone. It was a complete, full blown anger and it scared me. The only one I felt I could direct my anger towards was God. Over the last few weeks I have cried more often than not and I have asked God over and over why he called Matthew home. But I never received a reply until now. God placed on my heart Job 14 verse 5 – You have decided the length of our lives. You know how many months we will live, and we are not given a minute longer.(New Living Translation) God called Matthew home that day in January because he had fulfilled his purpose on Earth.

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God is in the process of changing my heart. He has me in the palm of his hand. Despite what I have been through I can still say that God loves me and He wants the best for me.

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