Unfortunately, life has to go on….

It has been a few weeks since I last wrote…life has been so busy. But in those weeks I have been blessed enormously by the One who created me.

So I found out back in April that I had been successful at interview for a job I had applied for. I had to keep it secret until the end of April whilst others found out whether they had also been successful. Since then it has been a waiting game. References, health checks, identity checks and so on. I found out yesterday that I will officially be starting my new job in the NHS on Monday. But I will not be doing the role I was interviewed for. I have been asked to cover a higher position until September. I was so surprised when I was asked. At this moment in time I am agency staff. I have worked for the company for only twelve weeks but they still chose me. I truly believe that God made this happen. When I started back in March I was overwhelmed with how much there was to take in. The workload was huge and due to reviews within the NHS a team of five suddenly dropped to two and a half (two full time staff and one part time). I love the job I am doing and I try my best all the time. Most days I want to go and hide in a corner until the end of the day. But I persevere and that is down to God’s strength not mine.

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If you have read my blog over the last few months you will know that my brother passed away suddenly in January. As you can imagine it broke my heart. He was everything to me and I miss him more than words could ever say. God called my brother home. He took one of the most precious people in my life and five days later I started a new job. Although nothing can replace my gorgeous brother, life does, unfortunately, have to go on. I have not forgotten about him or moved on and I don’t think I will for a long time. But God has been faithful and good. Work is not a replacement but a distraction. It is helping me come to terms with adjusting. It is one of God’s many blessings. And for that I am grateful!

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The Anger Journey

Recently as part of my word challenge for this year I wrote a post about anger and how I felt towards God over the loss of my brother. Since then it has played on my mind an awful lot. I have managed to speak to other people about the anger I am feeling. I wanted to share with you a little of the journey I have been on.

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82/365: Anger

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82/365: Anger — I try not to allow myself to get angry. I get annoyed and frustrated but never angry. Anger is a horrible thing to feel. It is a reaction to something you have no control over, something that has happened that you cannot change. Recently anger has been having its way with me. I hate to admit that but it is true. And the one I am angry with makes it even more frustrating. I do not want to be angry but I cannot help it.
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63/365: Wish

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63/365:  Wish — We all wish for something; a new car, a bigger house, a spouse, more money in the bank, to be skinnier or prettier, a second chance. We all have different wishes from our friends and family. We all have an idea of what perfect looks like to us; we know what car we want to drive, what our house should look like. I am not particularly materialistic. I don’t mind that my car is not the best there is. It gets me from place to place and that is all that matters. The house I live in is not huge but it is perfect for three people. What do I wish for then? My wishes are quite deep ones. I wish to be reunited with my brother. I know one day that will come true. God only knows when that will be. But for now I have to carry on as best as I can. I wish that my family are able to find true happiness again and that they are able to laugh and smile like they did before. I wish for my friends who are not Christians to come to know God and accept Him as their Saviour. Heaven sounds beautiful and I do not want them to miss it!

But still I will say..

It was been a difficult few weeks but still I will say God is good. Despite the tragic loss that broke my heart, God is still working in my life. I will never, ever understand why God called my brother home but I know that he is now resting in the arms of the one who created him.

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I started a temporary job on Monday 12th January and it was expected to last six weeks. I have just completed my seventh week and Monday will see the start of my eightieth week. I am thankful for this job. I hear many people complain about their job but I actually enjoy work. I love getting up in the morning and going to work. I like having something that fills my day, that keeps my mind focused. In all honesty without this job I have no idea where I would be right now.

I have been attending a Bible Study on a Wednesday evening for the past fourteen weeks. I feel I am closer to God than ever before. I like hearing other people share their views on the Bible. I like hearing other people talk about how God is touching their life. God has touched my life in such a big way since October. I have been able to break a huge addiction that has controlled my life for the past five years and with His love and grace I am learning to break others. He has built my confidence. I feel free to be who He created me to be and that feels good!

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50/365: Missing

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50/365: Missing — We all miss something or someone. You can miss the days when you were younger and had no cares in the world. You can miss someone who has gone away. Today the miss I am feeling is overwhelming. I miss my gorgeous big brother. I miss his laughter and his smile. I miss him singing along to his music. I miss his hugs and kisses. The only comfort I have is knowing that he is resting in the arms of his Saviour. Missing you always xxx