It has been a few weeks since I last wrote…life has been so busy. But in those weeks I have been blessed enormously by the One who created me.
So I found out back in April that I had been successful at interview for a job I had applied for. I had to keep it secret until the end of April whilst others found out whether they had also been successful. Since then it has been a waiting game. References, health checks, identity checks and so on. I found out yesterday that I will officially be starting my new job in the NHS on Monday. But I will not be doing the role I was interviewed for. I have been asked to cover a higher position until September. I was so surprised when I was asked. At this moment in time I am agency staff. I have worked for the company for only twelve weeks but they still chose me. I truly believe that God made this happen. When I started back in March I was overwhelmed with how much there was to take in. The workload was huge and due to reviews within the NHS a team of five suddenly dropped to two and a half (two full time staff and one part time). I love the job I am doing and I try my best all the time. Most days I want to go and hide in a corner until the end of the day. But I persevere and that is down to God’s strength not mine.
If you have read my blog over the last few months you will know that my brother passed away suddenly in January. As you can imagine it broke my heart. He was everything to me and I miss him more than words could ever say. God called my brother home. He took one of the most precious people in my life and five days later I started a new job. Although nothing can replace my gorgeous brother, life does, unfortunately, have to go on. I have not forgotten about him or moved on and I don’t think I will for a long time. But God has been faithful and good. Work is not a replacement but a distraction. It is helping me come to terms with adjusting. It is one of God’s many blessings. And for that I am grateful!
Break my heart for what breaks yours….
The truth is that if God did that it would not just be our hearts that were broken. We would be broken people. Our minds would be filled with the horrific things that flood our newspapers and television screens. We hear about the dreadful things that happen around the world; murders, kidnappings, natural disasters, poverty, abuse, suicides, the list is endless. God not only hears about it, He SEES it. We can only imagine the aftermath of those things but God actually sees it. He sees the homes destroyed because of earthquakes and forest fires. He sees the people who have lost everything. He sees people dying because they have not eaten for weeks, or even months. He sees children who are trying to come to terms with the horrible things they have been through. He sees the people who have felt as though life was too much for them and those that are left behind. He sees those who remain after a life has been cut short through human feelings and actions.
God sees all these things yet He still loves us all. He loves the people who murder, the people who take others away from their loved ones. He loves those who hurt others.
God is God and He is strong enough to take on the pain and suffering of this world. We are not! God can endure the evil because He is not human. We never could. That is why He takes on all the bad. He does it so we do not have to. His heart breaks so that ours can remain whole. To me, that is true love.
106/365: Writing — In order to state the obvious; I love writing. I love that you can spill your thoughts and your secrets, your pain and your happiness onto paper. I love that paper has no voice to argue back with you, or to tell you that you are wrong or stupid or silly for feeling the way you do. Paper listens and will never answer back. Writing for me is therapy. Once I have spent a good hour or so writing I feel so much better. On the rare occasions that I look in the drawers in my bedroom I find pages upon pages of things I have written when I was younger. Secrets I have never shared with any human being. Thoughts that I have been to scared to share with anyone. Pain I have felt that nobody could understand. Writing keeps me sane. Writing sets me free.
93/365: Blood — Today marks one of the most important days in the Christian calender. Christians across the world will be remembering the day that Jesus died. His death was cruel and painful. He did not deserve what was thrown at Him. It should have been us on that cross. He was nailed to the cross because of us, because of our actions. But God loved us far too much to see us die. I would imagine that He loved Jesus so much more. His love for us saw Him sacrifice His only son. Jesus suffered and died on that cross because of God’s love for us. Jesus died so that we could live. We needed a Saviour because we would never be able to save ourselves.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3 verse 16)
88/365: Heart — Our heart keeps us alive. If our heart stopped beating then our life would end. I believe our hearts go through a lot…pain, suffering, a variety of feelings, stress. Our heart is effected by what happens in our life; loss, relationship break-downs, worry. We feel pain, we feel suffering. There are times in my life where I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and it hurts. But we do recover. Whatever you are going through will not last forever. The pain will end, the suffering will end. Hearts are tough and so are you. Believe in yourself!
82/365: Anger — I try not to allow myself to get angry. I get annoyed and frustrated but never angry. Anger is a horrible thing to feel. It is a reaction to something you have no control over, something that has happened that you cannot change. Recently anger has been having its way with me. I hate to admit that but it is true. And the one I am angry with makes it even more frustrating. I do not want to be angry but I cannot help it.