107/365: Battle

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107/365: Battle — We all face battles in life; some serious and some not so. We fight to save our relationships, to keep our friends, our jobs and our families together. Everything in life requires work. If we want something to work we have to put the effort in. Sometimes we can feel as though we are going round in circles and situations feel hopeless. Some of us face personal battles that can be overwhelming. Those battles are hard and tiring. They wear us out to the point that even getting out of bed or keeping our eyes open is a battle. I urge you to keep going. Keep heading towards the end of the tunnel because it will come. I promise.

54/365: Bullying

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54/365: Bullying — Bullying hurts. Bullying damages lives and destroys people. It breaks people so much that they get ill. Some people even take their own life because of bullying. It breaks my heart when I read about a child taking their life because of the way somebody has treated them. Unfortunately bullies do not know what is going on in their victim’s life nor would they care. I have been a victim of bullying. It started when I was eight and did not stop until I was fourteen. I was quiet at school which I guess made me an easy target. I did not know how to stand up for myself. The truth is I should not have had to. I was called names and I was laughed at. Sometimes I was physically hurt. I was cyber bullied too. Bullying made school difficult. I did not want to be there. But I did not let the bullies stop me from getting an education. I went to school and I did my school work. I kept my head down and tried my best to ignore them. I faced my bullies day in day out because I had no choice. It was either I won or they did. I was certainly not going to let them win. Bullies look for things that are different. They bully other people because they are not the same as them. We should embrace the differences in others. We are not all the same and that is okay. We were all created differently. I would urge all parents to teach their children how to stand up for themselves, tell them how much they are worth. Drill it into their heads that they matter. Make sure they know who they go to if they are being bullied. Always be approachable and allow your children to share their worries with you. Teach your children to respect others and show them how to be kind. It is time we stamped out bullying. Too many lives are being lost due to people hurting others. It is time that changed!

50/365: Missing

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50/365: Missing — We all miss something or someone. You can miss the days when you were younger and had no cares in the world. You can miss someone who has gone away. Today the miss I am feeling is overwhelming. I miss my gorgeous big brother. I miss his laughter and his smile. I miss him singing along to his music. I miss his hugs and kisses. The only comfort I have is knowing that he is resting in the arms of his Saviour. Missing you always xxx

16/365: Lost

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16/365: Lost — A word used for many different reasons; lost car keys, a lost ten pound note, a lost pet. We can also feel lost. I cannot speak for you but feeling lost makes me feel empty. When I have lost something I feel as though I need to search for it until I have found it or replace it. However the emptiness I feel right now because of something I have lost cannot be found or replaced. You cannot replace a person who is irreplaceable

Just Do It

Sometimes people feel they need permission to be a certain way. It is like something big happens and the automatic response is that you must feel something; love, hate, anger, happiness, sadness, pain. However the truth is that sometimes these big things can make us feel nothing at all.  And that is okay. It does not make you any less of a person. It does not make you heartless or selfish. We are all different and we all act differently to the things that happen in our lives. If you deal with grief by going for a run or a cycle then do it. If you respond to a break up by sitting with the girls eating a huge tub of ice cream watching the Friends boxset then do it. If you find that talking about the latest family argument helps you then do it. If, like me, you prefer time on your own thinking and having a good old cry then that is fine too. You are important. Your wellbeing is important. When life throws those nasty things at you, find a way to cope that works for you. You do not have to sit for weeks and cry your eyes out because that is what your neighbour does. You do not have to feel anything that you don’t want to feel just because those feelings seem like the normal things to feel. Find what works for you and do it. Just do it!

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I often wonder…

 I often wonder what would happen if I just left home one day and failed to return? Would people actually notice? Would they really care? Would I care what people thought?

What would happen if I just stopped turning up to my regular hangouts? If I stopped texting and calling? If I decided I did not want to be involved in the same things anymore?

Truth is, I don’t know what I want anymore and I don’t know where I belong. The even bigger truth is that I don’t know who I am anymore.

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She deserved better

She watched as he gathered together his clothes and tossed them into the suitcase which lay open beside the double bed. The bed they had shared for the last two and a half years. She was heartbroken, tears streaming down her face. The one person she loved with everything she had was leaving with no explanation or reason.  he_left__but_promised_to_return____by_mechtaniya-d5hcy7l

She could not understand what she had done wrong….she loved him, cared for him, sacrificed her time for him yet it did not seem like enough. She must have been able to do something more. She knew he had struggles, she knew that he faced demons inside his head. She thought that she made him smile, and made him happy. But at this very moment she did not know who or how he was, she did not recognise him. The man she fell in love with had disappeared. She did not know why or how but she knew that he was different. 

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